To be effective in your communication, you need awareness, essential curiosity and taking responsibility for what and how you communicate.
Being authentic and effective in your communication is, for most of us, a falling and getting up again pathway.
The consequences of truly being heard and seen are unknown to most of us: clarity, intimacy and responsibility.
For many these are even threatening consequences. So close, so vulnerable and taking responsible in all means, can be frightening.
One of the tools for verbal communication is the model of Non-violent Communication. The model was developed by the American Marshall B. Rosenberg (1934).
Communicating, using this model, makes it possible to essentially get in touch with ourselves and others.
- There is room for experiences, feelings and needs without them
being assessed and /or convicted.
- There is essential curiosity and room for differences.
- Interpretations, expectations and assumptions are checked.
- there is tuning in and clarity about agreements.
We are so used to something else, so often we found our feelings and needs were not heard or seen, and we are so used to interpretations and judgments, that we can hardly can or dare trust that it is possible.
We are on our guard: is this again some trick to manipulate us?
The effects of the model is gaining momentum based on essential curiosity.
Applying the model requires an intent. The intention to give yourself space and to allow yourself to be while, at the same time, you leave room for the other to also be themselves. Also, or perhaps especially, when there are differences.
The elements of the modelof Non-Violent Communicatio.
This is an observation by the senses, what you hear, see, smell, taste or feel / touch.
Tension and relaxation in the body that we name.
Feelings stimulated by observations in the here and now.
Needs that we need to fulfill in order to survive. The feelings make us aware.
A request stimulates the necessary action to fulfill our need(s).
Compassion or essential curiosity, is needed for both ourselves as for others.
The model is intended to be used implicitly.
In certain situations, it appears helpful to apply the model consciously and
• in a threatening conflict or latent violence
• at sudden disruptions in communication (as the tone or atmosphere of the
conversation suddenly changes)
• if the contact is broken
• if you want to make sure that others understand you exactly as you
want to be understood.